The threesome is one of the most common secret desires. Sexologist Alexandra Hubin lists the right questions to ask yourself before embarking on group sex. Read on!
Fantasies and group sex: debunking preconceived ideas
Whatever our desires and our choices, this in no way determines our sexuality, actually underlines Alexandra Hubin. The sexologist thus wants to debunk a received idea around the threesome: “If you don’t want to take action, that doesn’t mean you have a stuck sexuality. That does not mean that we are not also ready to live a sexuality that is colorful, charged with adrenaline”.
Also, the specialist points to another preconceived idea concerning sex for many. That according to which it is the man who would always be the applicant. “That would simply mean that the woman responds to the desires of men. In reality no, every woman feels her desire, listens to her desires, and she too can broach the subject of fantasies”.
Indeed, if this subject is approached by your partner or if you hesitate to approach it yourself… You must first keep in mind the following thing: “Forcing yourself is going straight into the wall”. As Alexandra Hubin explains.
And for the consequences? A “feeling of shame, of not having been heard, of jealousy, or the impression of having been absent or observant, outside of the threesome”, also adds the specialist. Before embarking on the plan to 3, it is therefore essential to think carefully.
The sexologist suggests using mental projection in two stages.
Mentalize the threesome: Indeed, to know if you are actually ready to experience sex with others, nothing like planning. This can happen when you have sex with your partner or when you masturbate. For example, you can imagine a scene where a third person watches you having an intimate relationship. “We will be able, on an emotional level, to feel how stimulating it is or, on the contrary, that there is still a little discomfort which is very present”, adds Alexandra Hubin.
Also, you have to think about the aftermath. Because the mental projection does not stop there. The sexologist also advises to think about the after. This while wondering if the threesome is likely to complicate the couple’s relationship afterwards.
Also, it is appropriate to wonder about the choice of the third person. Should you prefer a stranger to a friend? Are we going to assume to see this person again after the threesome? Questions that must be answered before taking action.
Threesome: advice from the sex therapist for a smooth start
Start gently: Alexandra Hubin advises to start gently, by focusing first on sensuality. “It’s good to first play a little with games of seduction, with little caresses, kisses, before saying that we’ve done the total,” she explains.
Also, you have to protect yourself from STIs: in pairs, threes or in a group, it is very important to protect yourself against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Moreover, it is a rule which should not be derogated from. “Depending on the practices and depending on the partner to whom we offer pleasure or who offers it to us, the condom must be changed each time. So have some stock”, recalls Alexandra Hubin.
