After a long relationship as a couple, it is difficult to be alone. And one has the impression that age condemns even more to disarray. Is this the case? How to deal with a breakup after 50?
A difficult situation… not to make it worse
But it’s not because we shared a long relationship that love disappears. With the breakup of the couple, “there is an injury, a trauma”. Highlights Patricia Delahaie, French author specializing in relationships. “The ideal would be to confine oneself to this injury, not to add misfortune to misfortune. »
From now on, we must avoid thinking of ourselves things that hurt us (“I am unable to keep a man, I am useless…”). “And when the breakup comes late, there is a risk of adding pessimism and feeling “too old, too ugly” to find someone”, regrets the specialist. “But a breakup is already sad enough in itself without adding devaluation to it! »
Couple relationship: accepting what goes through us!
“Sometimes keeping a good self-image means having a bad image of others,” warns Patricia Delahaie. “Let’s accept this anger, feel it, express it and everything that crosses us in this moment of imbalance, upheaval, disorder. She also adds.
So let’s take the time of the pain, let’s accept to be in distress. But let’s not settle there. “We may have reason to be angry. But past a certain point, our resentment hurts us, ”adds the couple coach.
Couple relationship: accepting help!
Because renewal does not always come from within. So we can find it in others. Family, old friends, new acquaintances… Our relatives can also help us get through this.
However, be careful not to include children! “Whatever their age, they need us to be their parent, they have their life to build and it is not their place to be our confidants or to hear the bad things we think of the other parent. “warns the couple coach.
From loneliness to independence
In a breakup, we also lose a way of life. In fact, the couple that made our identity, our happiness, no longer exists. So we have to go through a number of steps. Record the separation, announce the news around you, share the things purchased as a couple over the years, notify the bank… Lots of chores that we would have done well without!
However, it is also the moment of discoveries and of finally being yourself. The moment when you can also do what you want. In particular, having your own rhythm, not sacrificing your desires to those of the other, going on vacation alone, seeing friends who have lost sight of because our ex didn’t like them…
“We knew the resources of the couple, we will discover those of autonomy”, notes the specialist. “Some women who married young, have always been accompanied, discover the great pleasure that there is in deciding their life and themselves. She adds as well.
