The discovery of infidelity within an exclusive couple is often experienced as a real shock. But how do you deal with this betrayal and rebuild yourself, whether alone or in pairs? Sexologist Alexandra Hubin gives her advice. We take stock!
Infidelity and the couple!
Among the reasons for breaking up in a couple, we find in particular infidelity. Alexandra Hubin, sexologist and founder of SexoPositive defined it as “a tacit contract established and not respected”.
In fact, for some people, cheating can mean seeing your partner fantasize about someone else. While others only use this term when there is a sexual relationship.
From now on, discovering the deception of his or her partner “creates a very complicated narcissistic wound to overcome”, according to the specialist.
Whether you choose to end the relationship or continue it, there are different steps to follow in order to rebuild. And for good reason: “All the things we were convinced of, suddenly shattered,” explains Alexandra Hubin. The latter also gives her advice for dealing with this painful and complex situation.
First, you have to take the time to absorb the shock of infidelity, often experienced as a veritable tsunami. Everyone reacts in their own way to such upheaval. Whether it’s crying, screaming or turning in on oneself.
Besides, the only thing to keep in mind? “Take the time you need. There is no one method that is better than the other. The one that suits you will be the best for you”, assures the sexologist.
Look for meaning and move forward!
“Why ?”. Anyone who has faced infidelity has already asked themselves this question. “It should be kept in mind that infidelity is rarely a question of cause and effect”, underlines the sexologist.
Beyond questions related to sexual satisfaction or feelings of love, “sometimes it’s the desire to live differently” or even “a search for adrenaline”.
Also, discovering infidelity means finding yourself faced with a decision to make: either you leave or you stay. Indeed, if some wish to try to make this “terribly negative experience something positive”… Others then believe that the broken trust cannot be repaired and decide to put an end to their relationship. “It will be your choice and that’s important,” emphasizes Alexandra Hubin.
Despite your partner’s infidelity, do you still want to give your couple a chance? For this to work, it is therefore essential to start again on a healthy and serene basis, together.
We know: communication is essential in the couple! “The key word is obviously authenticity, being able to talk about the situation”, underlines the experts. Moreover, if knowing the details of infidelity allows some to have “a feeling of control”, it therefore has a negative impact on others and causes difficulties “to reconnect in sexuality because of flashes, images that appear even during intimate moments”, explains Alexandra Hubin.